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Empress Ra'a'mah

Empress Ra'a'mah

Master
Jedi Order
Sith Confederacy
Oct 8, 2005
1,323
28
48
The young woman was a fresh-faced Knight in the Order and still had so much to learn. Making a trip down to the library archives, she always disliked having to ask for help. She felt her people should have done a better job at educating her, but that chance had never been given to her. They had decided that since she couldn't see anyway, there wasn't a need for her to learn. Little did they know just how much she could see through the Force.

As she peered over the cover the book she was holding, the writing in there was totally foreign and she let out an irritated sigh. Attempting to place the book gently down, it might have been placed down harder than she wanted. A hollow thump came from her table as the tome was set upon it and she sat back in the chair she had been sitting on.

Even books such as this that provided a tutorial on how to read were impossible for her to decipher on her own. Looking around through the Force, she saw that maybe she had made too much noise and somebody was approaching her. Standing up as if to walk away, the Master stepped into her path and prevented her from going too far.

Bowing in respect to him, she focused on him through the Force and smiled politely.

"Is there something I can do for you, Master?"

Shuffling her feet slightly, she attempted to act like she had done nothing wrong.

@EnviousWorm
 
The morning had been quiet enough to forget the galaxy was engulfed in war and dread. Kia-wian woke before the sun. He stood for some time in front of a mirror, left hand clutched tight around his cybernetic right bicep, his eyes tracing up and down the burn marks that halved his entire body. Without ceremony, Kia-wian turned from his mirror left his room, taking some time to stroll about the empty halls in a meditative trance until the light rose into the Temple.

When he'd gone to visit Sela in the hospital wing, Kia-wian was told to his dismay that his padawan was still unconscious, bathing in bacta, healing slow. The doctors' prognostications floated in one ear and out the other as the Kel-Dor master watched the young Sela floating listlessly.

After that, the new Jedi Master made his way to a classroom of younglings for their morning lightsaber drills. Often his time with the younglings was provocative, their wondrous youth calling to question the teachings of his own apprenticeships.

They worked their way through basic Shii-Cho formations, and Kia let them know it was a Jedi skill, to know the whole battlefield and to focus on it as individual fights that would lead up to a victory. One of the younglings, a human girl, asked who - exactly - came up with the lightsaber forms. Kia, as many times as he was posed the question, didn't have the answer loaded into his frontal lobe like Sela often had. Promising to answer the question at tomorrow's class, the Jedi Master excused himself and headed directly for the library.

As soon as he was out of earshot, he let loose a low grumble. Frustrated with himself, the Kel-Dor wondered how long it'd be until he could sear into his brain the answers of questions he was asked near daily. He just didn't quite have the mind for it, as much as he might try.

In the quietly bustling library, Kia-wian stopped for a short chat with Master Nu as he figured out the section he needed to patronize. Taking his leave of the Jedi Historian, the Kel-Dor found his aisle, and his book, but was distracted by a sense of frustration cutting through the Force, and the light thumping of a book discarded which followed.

Cutting over just a couple of aisles, Master Kia-wian saw his younger peer as she stood to leave, though he happened to step right in her path as she did so. The human woman bowed, respectfully, though her annoyance was still palpaple throughout the Force.

Bowing in return, Kia-wian looked to the table, though could make out the name of the text due to the angle the book sat, "I apologize for the intrusion, but I could sense your troubled thoughts from several aisles over. I figured I would offer anything I could do for you."
 
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If he could have made out the title, then he would have noticed it was something on a primary level that was thought to teach a child how to read. Jairdain had given up on that as the writing meant nothing to her and without a starting point, she didn't know where to begin.

Coming up from her bow, she noticed he had also bowed to her. A look of surprise would cross her face because nobody had done that to her before. Not questioning his choice though, she listened to his question and wanted to just shake it off and not answer.

Clearing her throat, she tipped her head in the direction of the offending book and shrugged her shoulders slightly before letting them fall and slumped just a little.

"I can't read, Master. I'm not sure if you can help me with that."

As she took the time to answer, her feet had stopped shuffling and now she stood still...almost waiting for him to make fun of her or worse punish her for her lack of knowledge.

@EnviousWorm
 
When they rose from their shared bow - an act which seemed to further confuse the younger Jedi - the Kel-Dor got a good look at the woman's face; long and slim, a long nose and a naturally frustrated, furrowed brow. He saw the violet in the eyes, the color more vibrant around the edges and turning more of a milky purple by the iris, as if he were staring at her pupils through clouded glass.

"I apologize for my lack of awareness-" he cut off his own reply before it turned crass, turning to look at the book as she gestured toward it, finally getting the read of its cover.

Kia-wian sighed, almost shameful. Hearing the defeat in her words, he hung his head. Had he been younger, he might have been one of those she seemed to fear - a true failure of the Order, if it were so.

"Actually, I might have an idea." The new High Councilor said, fingers on his chin, eyes closed as he recalled his own master, Bilay, "I was taught by a Miraluka Jedi, and I remember asking her how she saw:

"The Force whispers the words to me in my own voice, an unconscious connection to the words as one is connected to life or its many forms. I feel written language as the one who wrote it felt. In the Force, to use one sense - to understand that sense - is to know them all."

He paused pridefully for a moment before scratching at his head and admitting, "That probably didn't make much sense."
 
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Raising a hand and pointing at her face, she shrugged her shoulders again.

"I already use the Force to see, Master. So people don't usually even think I am physically blind. It's rare times, like now where it is a glaring weakness."

Accepting his apology, she lowered her hand and stood comfortably in front of him. To her, he was just a blob through the Force. His aura was a glowing beacon of light and it helped comfort Jairdain a little. At least enough to admit she couldn't read.

When he said he had an idea, she tilted her head slightly and looked confused. As he explained he was taught by a Miraluka, she knew they were similar to her. Born without eyes entirely, they normally covered the empty space on their faces and appeared a bit more human than they did when they didn't wear the cloth.

That confusion remained on her face and she raised a hand to rub her chin as she thought about what he had just said.

"I really don't understand, Master. I'm sorry. I won't give up though."

@EnviousWorm
 
Though feeling a rising embarrassment at his own weakness in well-guided and researched instruction, Kia-wian moved his hand to his breathing mask in thought.

"There's an aura to the written word, fainter than in sentience, but there nonetheless." he said, moving to look along the bookshelf as in search of something, "My master connected the aura she felt around what she was reading, and what she felt when people spoke - connected the dots between ebbing auras to speech patterns, letters, grammatical structures."

He turned more fully to look at the bookshelf, not quite certain of the location of what he needed.

Turning his head to look again at the younger Jedi, he asked, "Have you heard that there are some languages, written to be read by hand movements, the tips of your fingers? They're rare, but I think the Order has a copy or two of one somewhere..."

@Empress Ra'a'mah
 
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Being an empath, Jairdain certainly picked up on the embarrassment of the Master. Due to her calm nature, he might sense this from her and her desire to alleviate what he was feeling. Listening to what he had to say though, she tilted her head in thought. It wasn't something she had ever noticed when trying to read before and she would consider it in the future. Right now it probably wasn't the best time for her to approach this.

"No, my people never had anything like that. If it's possible though, maybe I could learn."

Even if she felt disillusioned about it at the moment, there was still some hope in tone. She hadn't given up yet and most likely wouldn't ever entirely. This skill might not happen soon or quickly, but she just knew it would come in time.

Feeling the attention of Kia-wian again, the Knight almost felt like wanting to disappear again. Though his attention wasn't hostile, she felt some embarrassment of her own for being caught in a situation like this.

@EnviousWorm
 
Though he himself wasn't an empath, Kia-wian could discern enough the younger Jedi's own embarrassment through her aura in the Force. He wondered if he'd done something wrong, imposed himself upon someone who wanted silence.

"I apologize, if I've made you uncomfortable," the Kel-Dor said, just as he found what he'd been searching for - a slim holobook with an attached datatape, both looking rather untouched for some time. He offered them out to Jair with a delicate grip.

"If you would like, this is a book with basic alphabet and grammatical structure from the Yaxar'kin people in the Outer Rim. 'Ranili-sens', Fingertip Language in their tongue," the Jedi Master explained, "The tape is a set of instructions how to get started."

"I apologize again if I made you uncomfortable," Kia reiterated, feeling like a poor excuse for a teacher and mentor. His thoughts drifted to his padawan, floating unconscious in bacta - his fault, "if you're not interested you can walk away and I'll go back about my business."
 
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"I am only uncomfortable with my own weakness and disability. Admitting it...is hard and I hate it."

Yes, she had just used the word hate. Jairdain sensed he probably wouldn't say anything about it but one never knew. Accepting the book Kia-wian held out to her, she ran her fingers across the surface and smiled. Instead of making fun of her as many children had, he had accepted her handicap and weakness. In fact, he was now going out of his way to help her.

When his focus faltered, she tipped her head to the side slightly.

"What is wrong? Perhaps there is something I can do to help?"

Like he was trying to help her.

@EnviousWorm
 
He took the affirmation of the blind Jedi's hate in stride; why would he say anything when it was a feeling it he struggled with long into his Knighthood, and sometimes even now as a Master? The ability to admit such a thing at all - not just her weakness but her disdain for that weakness - said more to him than Jairdain could realize.

When the attention was turned to him and his distractions, Kia-wian felt a tweak in the Force - like a slight pull to the right.

"I appreciate the offer, and such a kindness is a help," the Kel Dor admitted, trying to sound wise and strong even in his generalized dismay, "but my problems are...up to the Force to decide. And even the best case scenario outcome is one I must learn from to better myself."

He wanted to say it was up to Luck; the Force had played its part, on Onderon and Umbara. Kia-wian had a synthetic right arm and horrific burning all up and down the same side of his body - as if telling him to stop playing the Right Fist of the Force and get real with himself. And again, his padawan floating in bacta passed through his mind, she a brave casualty of his heroic philosophy.

@Empress Ra'a'mah
 
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Feeling the acceptance from the Master, Jairdain relaxed as she realized she wasn't going to get a lecture on hate and where it might lead. Listening to him speak of his problems and that they were in the hands of the Force, she nodded.

"So much in life is left up to the Force. Why not take action?"

Like she was trying to do here. Take action and try not to be a weak link in the Order. The answer Kia-wian had given her was vague and he hadn't really given her anything solid to work on. Young she might be, but Jairdain had a large heart and truly seemed to want to help him.

"Talk to me. Maybe I can help."

@EnviousWorm
 
"I've been a man of action all my life," the Master sighed, opening up in a way only a Jedi can - by not really saying much at all, "Always charging head first into the fray, taking my destiny by the reigns. And here I am."

Kia-wian thought back to Onderon and Umbara, clenching his artificial fist just to hear the whirring of gears and circuits from where flesh, blood and vein should be; and how, still, he seemed to be the lucky one in all of this. Reaching to rub at the mask that covered the lower half of his face as though he were stroking his jaw in contemplation, the Kel Dor shook his head.

"Though my time in the Order has been one of...upward mobility, those I surround myself with more often find themselves being buried than enjoying honor and peace by my side. It is a difficult thing, to be told I have succeeded where I feel in my heart that I failed. To sit on the Council on the bodies of those who died where maybe I should have."
 
Tilting her head to the side as she listened to what the Master had to say, Jairdain took it all in like a sponge takes in water. Kia-wan had so much more knowledge and experience in the world than she ever felt she would. As a fresh Knight, she had yet to go on many missions or even leave Coruscant much. A trip or journey here and there was about all she had ever done. Now with the war coming, she felt that would change.

Setting aside her thoughts of travel and getting some dirt under her nails, she returned to the present and gave him an odd look.

"Why do you feel you should have been the one to die instead of those that did?"

Upward movement for her had been slow, in her opinion. Not that it really mattered. On Coruscant she was safe and secure. In a way, she wanted out of her comfort zone but wasn't brave enough to step forward to accomplish it. Instead, she huddled in the archives trying to learn how to read.

@EnviousWorm
 
"Some of them died directly saving my life," he gave allusion to padawans and commandos past, shivering a bit at the bitter thought of their not-so-distant memories, "but as a General, I've asked many to lay down their lives simply at my word. And orders I made in the past which seemed necessary then, now I can see how many I asked to die for my miscalculations."

Shaking his head with an accompanied sigh, the Kel-Dor felt the wandering emotions of the younger Jedi. Though their paths were much different, their feelings were not far from the others'.

"Regret, self-dout" he said, "I can sense yours as I toil among mine. These are natural things to deal with, a part of our sentience; as much as we're connected to the Force we are, of course, connected to ourselves. Imagining what could be, or should be, is not to be dwelt on, but moved on from. Your path is not walked but being walked, and all you can do is keep on it."

Words Kia-wian told himself often, though still had trouble accepting. For a Master, his head was well amiss in its troubled and darkened thoughts.
 
"Doesn't the code say there is purpose in death? They have been united with the Force and their spirits live on through us."

There were times when it seemed the Knight was sometimes on a different plane than others. Maybe it was like that right now. Her wisdom came out oddly and with poor timing. While Jairdain did not mean any harm in her comments, it was clear she wasn't as experienced in the Galaxy as others. Now was one of those moments.

"In my opinion, there was a reason you lived and the others died. Your path too, Master is being walked and it is up to you to stay on it."

Listening to Kia-wian speak brought a sense of comfort to the blind woman. Yes, even she picked up on his feelings of trouble and the darkness that surrounded his thoughts.

"Will we survive all of this, Master?"

Keeping her hold on the items in her hands, she lowered them to rest on the desk and her sightless face appeared to look down at them.

@EnviousWorm
 
"You're right, of course, but knowing it is a path I walk doesn't ease the pain of the obstacles the Force puts in front of me," He said, plainly, as if to say it was okay to feel as he did, "But at the same time, there are so many Clones I've ordered to lay down their lives for the Republic and - and I wish I could tell you their names..."

Kia-wian sighed, putting his face into a hand, rubbing at his forehead as if he had a headache that simply wouldn't go away.

"I think you answered your own question, in a way" the Kel Dor replied, thinking over this strange Jedi Knight in front of him, "there is purpose in death because we all must come to terms with it. But, no. We won't survive all of this, because nobody does. It's the Order, the Republic, and our spirits in the memories of others that can survive - will survive."

He had to project a strength, all the time. Kia-wian felt no other option, when he was someone the Order and its Knights looked up to. Sometimes, he had to project that strength for himself, too.
 
Being as strong as she was with empathy, Jairdain easily picked up on the facade the Master was using. Internally he was feeling stressed and maybe even some weakness. The fact he was admitting almost as much of this to the Knight made understanding him easier. If it was accepted, she would let go of her books and lightly place a hand on his lower arm.

"Master, it is okay to have the emotions you are feeling. What isn't okay is to use them in battle and allow them to control you...like the Sith would have a person do. I can take the headache away if you're really having one."

Raising her other hand, she held it open in front of his head. Nodding when he told her she had already answered her own question, she let out a breath through her nose.

"Yes, I know none of us will survive but that isn't what I meant, Master."

@EnviousWorm
 
"I know, I know," Kia-wian chuckled, again, rubbing at his head, "no, you don't need to do that. Though if you've healing powers, maybe your talents could be of use-"

The Master stopped himself. He'd spent years advocating talented Jedi to go to war. He wasn't sure where any of them were now, except the ones who'd returned on casualty lists.

"I believe the Order has the strength to survive the war, yes. What I fear, however, is a generation of Jedi and an army of Clones bred for war who no longer have one to fight. And in that, I include myself. There's always a battle to be fought somewhere in this galaxy. But war on a scale such as we've seen? Moving on from that is often difficult for the soldiers and the generals - not to mention our record with Jedi becoming warriors and falling to the dark because of it. Sometimes you...sometimes you take up a cause in the name of what's right and holy, and it blinds you - deafens you as you descend into the dark."

He had no answers, as much as he tried to search for them. What if it were him, in the end? On a battlefield, the call to the dark came much louder - and often, it was the right tactical choice to make; and all the light could do was shimmer and dim, curtained and caged.

"How the Jedi and the Republic come back from this dark precipice, I wish I could tell you. But I've seen too many Jedi think they know the future get caught up in the intricate machinery of fate, turned into a cog where they promised they would never. Sometimes we become convinced of our omniscience, and in trying to subvert our premonitions, we play right into their hands instead."
 
Being as newly Knighted as she was, Jairdain had seen very little action as a Padawan. For some reason, she had been left out of many of the campaigns and told to stay at the Temple and guard it. Any attempts at infiltration, subterfuge, or anything along those lines were stopped by the people left at home. She was one of them.

Nodding when he sort of asked if she had healing powers, she just listened to him. Chuckling a little when he mentioned being blind, even though it was a serious conversation, the young woman found some humor in it.

"I can totally understand being blind, Master. Are you as well? Since you included yourself among those that don't yet know how to move beyond the war."

Lowering her hand finally, he had declined her offer and she accepted that. He mentioned those that can see visions of the future and she lost her humor.

"I too sometimes get these premonitions, Master. Is there a way to control them?"

@EnviousWorm
 
He sighed, even chuckling along with the Knight -- glad, in a way, that she had the humor to laugh it off. Of course, Kia-wian had spoken as such without the tact to consider her physical condition.

"My vision is foggy, though I'd like to consider myself not entirely blind," Kia replied, his voice a gentle reassurance, "I knew life without it, and couldn't appreciate it until now."

Sighing, the Master fiddled with his fingers, tapping them together altogether unsure of himself once again.

"The only one you can control is yourself," he confided in Jair, "how you understand and respond to these premonitions. They are a powerful thing, and can easily turn even the wisest Jedi into blubbering fools. To assume you control them is to assume you control the Force itself -- and that's just foolishness, the dreams of padawans. Accept them for what they are, but do not let them guide your every movement. Like all things in the Force, it takes a balance to achieve true singularity."

@Empress Ra'a'mah
 
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